A Past Revealed

Poking at her food with her fork, it is a moment before Dee responds to Xakon as everything ChiChi said sinks in. Quietly the little Jawa finally says, “He’s right, I do worry a lot but I can’t let go.” Her voice fades out at the end of the sentence.

With a bit more resolve, Dee turns to face Xakon. “I am sorry ChiChi felt the need to leave. Before I go on, I need to ask you something. How did you come to find out my real name?”

Delicately dabbing at his lips with his napkin, Xakon places it on the table beside his dish. Looking across the table at the jawa, he takes on a tone that sounds almost like a mentor/father figure. "Dee, letting something go and trusting others to carry on is sometimes the best solution, no single being can resolve all of the problems in the universe. A friend of mine once tried to solve a lot of people’s problems, by taking them on himself. This not only cost him his life, but also left a lot of unfinished business and problems for others. But he trusted in others to carry on. Perhaps you’ve heard of him? No? Come now, I wouldn’t have expected you to forget your mentor Bluestar so soon.”

Smiling reassuringly and pausing to let his last words sink in, “And I wouldn't worry about Chichi. He is a bundle of energy that is very hard to predict on which way it will bounce, I wouldn't be surprised if he has already pushed the discussion to the back of his mind and is now in pursuit of other things.”

As two servant droids come in and start clearing away the main course dishes, Xakon continues, “As for finding out your real name… let's just leave it at the fact that I have many contacts throughout the galaxy Finding out someone's name, especially someone that has not made an effort to hide it, was not difficult. Dee, to me family is very important. Therefore, if someone is going to be in my home… " at this Xakon pauses and gestures around him, “… I feel I have the right and duty to protect it, and those around me. This includes knowing things about them, before they cross my threshold.”

"I understand you had an incident this morning, and am concerned about your welfare. Is there anything I can do to help? At the very least, talking about it may help."

As the droids bring in desert, a pastry with frozen blue milk in a dish, Xakon waits for Dee to speak.

“You may have misunderstood me on one point. The “letting go” I am referring to is of my personal self control, of me. I can’t be as free a spirit as ChiChi is. That could lead to….” Dee let the sentence trail off, not sure she could actually say the words even though she had promised Sillo she would never turn to the Dark Side.

Refocusing her mind, she went on. “Of course I have not forgotten Sillo.” Dee’s voice drifts off a bit as she recalls the events over Shiva. She sinks back in the chair, looking sad. “We watched him pass into the Force, Taylor and I, from our ships through the bridge view ports. He was winning the battle but just….”

Dee’laan realized she is at a crossroads. Should she or shouldn’t she? If he found out her name, he probably does know. Biting her lip, she mulled over her impending decision. He seemed to care, he had allowed her to come back and even stay longer than expected. Plus she did need to talk about her latest incident but it made more sense if you knew her whole story. But her throat was still sore and if he read it now while she ate her desert, maybe then she would feel up to talking.

Dee reached into a pocket and pulled out a small book comprised of blank pages, some of which had been handwritten on; her diary. Placing the book on the table, she pushed it toward Xakon. Before removing her hand, she spoke.

“Seeing as you were able to find out my name, there are probably a lot of other things you may already know about me. I doubt too many can keep secrets from you. As for my incident, the best way to understand what happened is in context with other events from my life. Normally I don’t carry this with me. Why I brought it along, I couldn’t say. I will tell you one thing myself before I ask that you read this and if you want I will discuss my incident.”

“Before entering the battle above Shiva, Sillo Bluestar gave me leave to take the Jedi trials. I have since then taken and passed. I am a Jedi Knight and I have only told 6 others and they have told no one.” With that, Dee removes her hand from her diary, waiting for Xakon to take the book to read it. Still slightly nervous, she takes a bite of the cool desert, both to calm her stomach and to sooth her sore throat.

Glancing at the small book that the jawa placed in front of him. Xakon sits reflecting on what Dee'laan Gad'wa-heega has said, steepling his fingers and leaning back in his chair he studies the little jawa. As his eyes close slightly he focuses in on the jawa in silence. After what seems an eternity, the jawa starts to squirm under the scrutiny, Xakon finally speaks "Jedi Gad'wa-heega, let me congratulate you on attaining your knighthood. I'm sure Jedi Master Bluestar would be both proud and concerned. Proud for what you have achieved yet concerned that your inability to control your own emotions will lead to the dark side. This is a concern of mine as well, and the reason why you will remain a welcome guest instead of fully adopted into my family at this time. But we will speak more of this later." Reaching out to take a sip from his glass, he smiles reassuringly at you, a smile that seems to come from a mentor or trusted advisor. As for your journal, I will surely read through it if you wish, to better understand and help you. But you are here now - it would be a disgrace to rely on a medium rather than one another as we do have plenty of time. I will be more than happy to read this and return it to you in the morning, if you would be willing to trust me with it.

Taking a deep breath, Dee starts her tale. “I will start from the very beginning,” she says aloud but to herself she thinks, “So by the time I get to the hard to bear parts I should be able to share them.” She shutters from a chill that runs through her and steels herself to start.

“I come from a family of nine; 5 sisters and 3 brothers, all older than myself. My mother’s female line can be traced back from one daughter to mother for well over 250 generations. Her line has produced a clan Shaman 33 times. One of those also possessed more than the usual Shaman abilities.”

“By the age of 4 solar cycles, I was exhibiting unique abilities and was taken to the Shaman. It was decided that I should begin training with her as she was the only one who could possibly contain and control me and focus me in my uses of my talents. Normally one does not start training with the clan Shaman until their 10th solar cycle.”

While speaking of the first phase of her life, the little Jawa finally sounded and looked relaxed and happy. She spoke of the key points in her life and her family, calling her parents and siblings by name, even recalling the births of her oldest sisters’ children. For a brief time, Dee’laan actually seemed to get her appetite back as she heartily took bites of the desert in front of her. “Maybe on one of my next leaves I should go back to Tatooine and try to find my family. It’s been too long since I have seen them.”

Then she came to when her life changed during the run on the sandcrawler circuit. Relating the same tale as in her diary, she added, “I recall playing with the other children and getting too close to the human. My father shouted to be careful and not get in the way and then I noticed the adults working on the big pipes were having difficulty getting them in place. So I did what was natural for me, I ‘helped’ with a bit of telekinesis. As I moved backward to get a better view, I bumped into the human.”

As she continues this tale and on into her transfer to another clan, Dee again starts to tense up. Her tiny hands start to clench into fists with her fingernails starting to drive into the flesh on the heel of her palms. The farther into this period of her life story she gets, the more labored her breathing becomes, at times there are large inhales and exhales counterpointed with periods of not remembering to take a breath. She is clearly shaken having to relate this story out loud as the memory seems to bring mental anguish to the diminutive being.

“After one of the adults finally came looking for me and let me out, the panic attacks started. I couldn’t go near any small rooms cause a knot would form in my stomach and I’d loose it. And the others still tried to play pranks on me. So I became a loner, hiding myself in the big room with all the junk droids as that was the only place I didn’t feel panicky in. And I could watch the adults work, plus they wouldn’t allow the others to bother me there. That’s how I learned to fix droids. But the others still found ways to…”

Dee stops to attempt to compose herself. Looking down at her hands, she finally pulls her fingers away from her palms to reveal dark red crescents. She presses her opened hands together to stop from inflicting more damage to her hands. With a very shaky, frail voice, she continues.

“One day we pulled into Mos Espa and I overheard the others coming up with a new plan to pull another prank on me. Before they could implement their plan, an opportunity presented itself for me to run away. So I did.”

“I lived on the streets of Mos Espa for years, taking whatever work I could find. I took every chance I could to learn about repairing anything and everything. I learned to fix starships and finally one spacer needed to have his ship fixed and offer to take me along to keep it running and I accepted” Talking about her time living in Mos Espa calms Dee down a bit and as she finishes she looks emotionally drained.

Xakon still absorbing your tale, sits back and seems to be studying you… almost as if he could see exactly what you are thinking. "That is an interesting and painful story. I have a couple of ideas on how you can be helped, however I can only provide the assistance… this kind of change can only come from within."

"Jedi Gad'wa-heega, let me start by stating that I will only call you by your true title as it is the respect you deserve, in private and secure locations." As the little jawa, unconsciously breaths out a sighs of relief she didn't realize she has holding in, he continues "You are welcome at my compound and the barabel mercenary guild at any time, provided that you contact us first. You will have unrestricted access to all of the public areas, but must have an escort in any of the private or restricted areas. As Chichi has too bluntly stated, your inability to control your emotions and panic can be a seen as a risk, and I must protect myself and those that I consider my family. I'm sure you can understand."

Seeing you have finished your dessert and that the hour was quite late, he stands and picking up your diary (assuming you allow him to keep it overnight), he says "Come, let me walk you back to the Barabel Mercenary guild. I have business there tonight, before I read your journal." The walk back is actually quite enjoyable and ref reshing, as you find his company to be rather relaxing and soothing.

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