Entry 18

The nightmare started like just a weird dream.

A point of view in space, no ship, no body, just a floating point of view. Watching a prison transport slowly go by, then being attacked by another ship, details fuzzy and out of focus, but yet she knew it was a prison transport being attacked.

The transport took several hits, the shields quickly falling. Then a hull breach developed, sucking several forms into space. The pov zoomed in to one of the forms, that of a large barabel with his eyes closed and an almost peaceful look on his familiar face. Suddenly the barabel was inside another ship, laying on the floor of an airlock, eyes still closed. A familiar voice came from the open interior airlock door, "Yes, you are the one. Too bad you are still alive, now I have to waste energy killing you myself." Then there are several dozen blaster bolts fired into the unconsious barabel's body, leaving the head untouched and the resulting hole through the center of his chest ensured that the barabel would never eat another pancake.

Then the vision flashed, and now the point of view was from her own body, and I was no longer alone. The pain from a moment before completely gone, replaced by rising drunken passion as my body writhed with two others in a posh hotel bed. I was allowed to relive this moment just long enough to let the lingering thoughts of the previous scene fade, then a door that I don't remember being there opened with a backlit form in armor holding a familiar repeating blaster. "I thought I taught you better than this. Feeling only brings pain and weakness." As all three of us sat up, looking for weapons, the blaster fired once from the doorway, and I screamed…

And then I awoke, still screaming, tears running down my face, sweat soaking me, arms crushing the stuffing out of Jack the squib. It took me a while to get back under control. I know that my father had nothing to do with anything this far towards civilization. And doing anything like that would show that he felt something in there for me one way or another - he made it quite clear that was not the case and he wanted nothing further to do with me once he abandoned me. I know that he is wrong, feeling is right. There is no point to living if you don't feel alive. And I feel deep down that I am stronger with the support of friends and family.

I had driven him from my mind years ago. Now with everything else happening, its all melting into my nightmares, and sleep will get harder to come by… that's sure to improve my mood.

Damn DSK for dredging up thoughts of him!

Need to take my mind off of these dark thoughts and get some rest. Maybe I'll get in my armor and go out on the patio to blast some targets, that might cheer me up…

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