Facing It All

Log Entry …….5/09 real time

I think they hate me; or rebel command is testing me for something worse. They sent me back to Mindor. With Arkansas and Vandin. Course they don't know about Vandin yet, but still back to Mindor. I guess I did not make it clear enough in my last mission report how much that planet is affecting me; I will have to go through very very detailed attempt in order to avoid any further missions there.

Not only did we have to go, the alliance working with Itorhrians actually sent us to the death site, and under the ocean! I was worried about having to see the two of them together, not about them….. they are fine, always have been. I was worried I might find Arkansas too comforting, this place….. it took a bite out of us, a connection he and I will always share.

It has been harder to severe the ties to him than I thought. He is kind, he doesn't do anything I can be mad at him for….. except he just isn't there. Old flames die hard, but at the same time I was in so much pain….. and I would be again, I know it.

None of us knew what to do with ourselves! ADR stayed in the middle, Vandin stayed in piloting…. and I had the dammed monkey in engineering. I hate droids with attitude problems. I chased that thing around for a while. Focusing my mind on it allowed me to forget what was going on with my shipmates. An Ensign Brace I had never meet before was annoying me, he wouldn't shut up and everything he said was filled with hate. He followed me around and seemed to find ways to make anything worse. Between him or the monkey I couldn't figure out which was more annoying. I am not sure how I practiced all the self restraint that I did. I guess I didn't want either Vandin or ADR to come down on me for abusing the force to handle that droid, but I will come back more prepared next time.

After a long ride there and staring at that dammed droid or avoiding Brace we got to ….. Mindor. The first sites we choose were ok, even relaxing. The 3 of us kept our distance. But then we got to the tree. Why do I get the boyfriends that walk up to the evil objects? Masks, trees? So Vandin walks up to the evil tree to touch it!? Next thing I know Kastor is there and telling me, he's got this. I had never been so fearful of Kastor's next move in my whole life. I tried to walk up and talk to Vandin, but too many poeple wouldn't keep their distance. ADR behind me, probably to protect me, Chimera. I figured if everyone would give him some room things would be better, but no one was willing to give up much more than a step.

The wonder Ensign decided he needed a piece of the action. He fires up the guns of the ship and fires on the tree…… not to mention the people around the tree! I froze. I am really starting to hate that Ensign Brace! What on the clouds of Corellia was he thinking! Shooting at people……. force using people, my team, my family!
Vandin ripped out the gun emplacement of the ship. It was a good idea actually. I couldn't even figure out how I was going to act, protect Vandin, protect them both?

I am glad I could resist the temptation of this place…. this time. I don't know what I would have done had the dark side touched me again. I am pretty sure I would have blood on my hands if it had.

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