Jawa Diary Entry 17

I had a long talk with Taylor. It was good to speak with someone with a more mature attitude. That is not to say that the conversation was purely pleasurable.

We both agreed that before proceeding we needed to acquire more information on this new possible threat. And she wants to go to Xakon. This brought back the queasy stomach. But I realize that my queasiness is not just due to my uncertainty of what the Falleen will ask of me. It is from so many things though it started on Barab 1. The being alone in pain for weeks with little food, followed by a week of the wrong type of food and add to that the news of M’rath. Feeling how large the galaxy is and connecting to the forgotten, neglected Bothan and then seeing Bilton die, feeling so much pain and there was nothing I could do. And then having to relive and retell all of that so Taylor knew what was happening.

Sitting here in my room, I had a revelation. I need to again find balance as I care too much and keep it to myself. My compassion for others may be my ultimate undoing. It pains me to see the senseless violence perpetrated against persons like Bilton and the cruel experiment enacted on M’rath. And I feel guilt that I was not able to stop it, that I didn’t act sooner, that I acted in ignorance and it is tearing me up inside. “There is no passion, there is serenity; There is no emotion, there is peace”. I must meditate on these more often. I must find a balance between caring so passionately that I become physically ill, but making sure to not become so detached as to not care about anyone or anything.

A Jawa's Diary

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