Entry #3 – Being alone versus True loneliness
I have only a vague idea of where I really am at the moment. Sitting here in my ship with just the stars and the Force as companions, I should feel truly lonely. But I don’t. Not like I do on board “Discovery” surrounded by hundreds of beings, almost none of whom I can confide in, who all look at me as a Jawa and not what I really am, a Jedi.
These past weeks I have been feeling the loneliness pressing in. Now I realize why a few have not come to see me. I just wish they had come to me because I really am fine with the bounty, it gives me the public excuse I have been looking for to be able to change how I dress and act. In an odd way it was a gift. I still can’t publicly announce that I am a Jedi Knight but…
I miss being able to openly talk with someone. Most don’t get what I am going through; they either can’t understand as they are not force users and don’t have the common experiences to draw from or they are but are too busy dealing with their own problems. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me it will work out, someone I can be open with, someone I can bare my soul to.
But right now all I have is me, the stars and the Force. Maybe I shouldn’t have left my comm. links, but I don’t think I could be reached out here, wherever this is.
Time to connect, connect to the Force. Time to fill the empty places that are creeping back into me, into my heart. Time to remember what I am, what I have become, why I did it and why I must continue down this path that has been set before me.
