Jedi Diary Entry 4

Entry #4 – How to fight an unseen enemy

As I head back to “Discovery”, I know I must find a way to combat the loneliness that I know will creep back if left unchecked. My normal meditation does not seem to work against this insidious foe but I don’t know how often I can get away to spend 2 days alone in space lightly connected to the Force in meditation. Something may present itself.

I must try to get those who were on that mission to talk to me. I need, really need them to understand they should not feel guilt. I again face the fact that I cannot have really close relationships and I will never again have family but even though I am a Jedi, I spent my first 10 years of life surrounded by family and friends. With so many closing themselves off to me, I am painfully reminded of what my life was like after I was sent away. I don’t want to relive that.

I know from my studies of Jedi lore that in the days of the temples, this would never have been a problem. A Jedi’s family was their Master and the other Jedi at the temple. But there are almost no temples left and I can’t be drawing attention to the only one I know by frequently returning. And Sillo is dead.

I must not let the loneliness get to me this badly ever again. If I must go away for a couple of days, so be it.

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