Nobody Knows The Trouble I'm In...

Dear Diary,

I'm begining to wonder if Mother's plans for me to flirt my way through the ranks worked after all. But let me start from the begining…

Sure, the young officer I wound up with right out of the academy…I used him kinda on purpose to keep myself out of trouble, but I didn't love him.
Fred 'Slick' was a pretty cool guy who happens to have the same interests as me and I really did like him a lot. I think that if things had gone differently I might have pursued that relationship in earnest. It kinda did start off as a mutaul…platonic…great in the sack kinda thing ={
I'm not even sure how I came to be married to Squibie, and I hate admitting it. It was one of those impulse things that you don't take seriously at first. I was really touched when he gave me a grenade pin for a ring, and since then our relationship has grown alot. At first I didn't want him to be with Chimera because…well, she's Chimera. But now I really can't stand him being around any other female. I really do love the squib, which is why things are so hard.
Then Sara came around…I think in part because we have so much in common, and because a Squib just isn't the same as a human, that our bond kinda twisted out of controll into something a little 'closer'. Having Squibie interested in her is making me lose controll ={

On a recent mission I found myself out and a bout with Fred. We had a nice lunch, though it ended with desert all over me. He sugested a hotel room to clean off in, and dummy that I am I allowed it. He had some ideas about helping me clean up alright, but thanks for Sara sending a com. Fred wouldn't let me answer the door, and I actually had to fight my way to the door. Sara was a little help but like I said…Squib and human anatomy are waaaaayyyy different, and sometimes it's so hard to control myself.

O, and to top it all off I seem to have found a new young love interset. Kendrill is a Twi'Lek, and while I admit to being slightly distracted by the lekku at first…I think I just might have found a possible guinea pig and or protegee. I like the kid, and not in a romantic manner!

I feel horrible too. Our one year anniversary came up and even though we weren't able to spend it together Chichi arranged for a wonderful time onboard a luxury spa liner for the entire day. I was a little thrown that he invited Sara along, but I guess it's not fair of me when I have my own problems. And at least it's Sara and not Chimera. He gave me a bouquet of grenades and a diamond studded thermal.

I am at a total loss as to how to handle myself. I am going to tell Squibie what I did the first chance I get to speak with him, though I know he's going to be pissed. I need to stop what I'm doing with Fred, even if it isn't physical…which it wasn't this last time, but I do love him to a point that I don't want to hurt him. AUURRRGGGG!!!!!! And to add to that I think I should also stop what I've been doing with Sara…and let Squibie know I want him to stop as well. How can I be a good wife if I keep things up like this? I just hope he understands.

I love him for goodness'….or badness' sake! Nothing quite compares to those big doefull eyes, that soft luxurious fur, the way his little tail twitches when I scratch him just behind the ears or how it makes his foot thump. He deserves better than this, and so do Fred and Sara.

Question is, how do I give ti to them without losing any of them?

-Reon

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