Surrender

Super-duper, fact-filled, accurate as a Nimbanese counting his money, excerpts from the 560 page Mission report filed by Super-duper Lieutenant Captainisimo Chichi Zzingnut formerly of the 42nd Squib Irregulars, Savior of the Jawa Nation, Bearer of the Shield of Adalli, and all around trustworthy and nice guy. You betcha!


So there I was going down a blaster filled corridor, thinking to myself "Not another raid on an Imperial Spaceyard with a Star Destroyer…. why would rebel command stick me on this mission with a bunch of recruits? Well with a bunch of recruits and some nice scenery anyway, I'm glad Sara and Chimera were there. Surely command got over that time on… well there was that time… nah, I'm sure they forgot about the Bespin incident… could they have finally found out about Tattooine. Smokes… that would explain alot."

Running down the corridor, that new recruit Dirk is even more boastful than I am. Unfortunately for him, not as smart. As blaster fire was reigning down the corridor, we noticed an Imperial fusion cutting team trying to get back into engineering. Muttering something to Dirk the action star in our unit, he proudly boasts "No problem side-kick, I can make that shot with no problem." As he took aim down the corridor, I took the opportunity to check in on the wife. Pulling out the comlink, I hit her speed dial… as she answered the phone and I heard her voice I smiled. "Hey Hon, just thought I'd check in… uh-huh, you betcha that's blaster fire. Wish you were here, I miss ya." A triumphant shout yells out, "You owe me 20 credits side-kick," shaking my head I yelled back, "Sorry Dirk, the bet was if you could Blow up the tank, even a Kowakian monkey lizard could have hit it. You owe me 20 credits!" Turning his attention back to the phone, "what's that dear? nah, nothing major.. oh, Sara says 'hi, nothing to worry about'." An explosion goes off as the leaking fuel from the gas tank goes off… "Wow that was cool. Hon, you should have seen that explosion… I've got spots in front of my eyes. Well, I gotta run… say hey to FU and the critters for me." Needless to say, we managed to prevent the engineering section of the spacedock from falling back into Imperial hands.

Later we managed to disable the Victory Star Destroyer with a nasty little computer virus. Unfortunately, a raging battle was still going on between the Imperials and the Wookies. It wasn't a doubt as to who was going to win, but a matter of how long. Taking matters into my own paws, after some time I managed to float over to the window of the VSD Bridge. Using some Force Chews chewing gum, I stuck a detonation timer and a sign to the window. The sign stated "Willing to discuss surrender terms - Comm 342698-8423-4376". And then I waited and enjoyed the chaos that was occurring on the bridge. Systems were randomly shutting on and off, and it took awhile before the Commander of the Star Destroyer noticed me. Smiling I waved my comm, and pointed to the timer and the sign. Frustrated, the Commander grabbed a comm from a Junior Officer and tuned to the frequency. "Super Intelligent commander of the big big Imperial Machine and broken boat, I am Super-duper Lieutenant Captainisimo Chichi Zzingnut formerly of the 42nd Squib Irregulars, Savior of the Jawa Nation, Bearer of the Shield of Adalli, mighty negotiator of give-ups for the nicey-nice rebel team here, and all around nice guy. I am here to discuss super detailed terms of your sorrys and surrenders for you and your men, you betcha. If you and the beings on your side of this not nice conflict wish to surrender it would save many lives and hurts. The outcome is assured a win-win on our side but I wish to talky with you to save many many lives. (Especially mine, as it would make my wife mad.) Therefore, should you give-up unconditionally according we would be willing to treat you nicey nice under articles of war, thus saving you lives, allowing you to see you families again. Unless, like filthy, dirty, rotten, lying, Ulgors you are and only pretend to give up. Then we need to treat you as such. What say you Super Intellegent commander of the big big Imperial Machine and broken boat?" After several minutes of negotiations, the Commander was willing to have all of his units surrender, on the condition that we would not treat them like Ulgors, Jawas, Slavers, or dense, irritating, enlarged, action stars, but that either I or a Ranking Rebel Officer would accept his surrender."

And that is my super secret, amazingly accurate, official, official, turned in on time report on how I Super-duper Lieutenant Captainisimo Chichi Zzingnut formerly of the 42nd Squib Irregulars, Savior of the Jawa Nation, Bearer of the Shield of Adalli, furry fantasy of the female persuasion, mighty negotiator of give-ups for the nicey-nice rebels, and all around nice guy got the commander to give up. You betcha!

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