To Thine Own Self...

Jynx sighed, looking about her nearly abandoned quarters aboard the Discovery, feeling anxious and lonely. She had recieved a com that she would be needed for another one of the big missions and had departed ASAP, but not everyone who had been contacted had made it onboard yet, so there was time to bide.

She sat on her bed and stared out the window, catching sight of her own ghostly reflection. She had on her uniform, her rank standing out enough to make her look down and finger it on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her mind racing.

Life was like a swoop ride, constantly taking turns. She had had a nervous breakdown a few months ago after the last big mission like this to Gorva's Palace where she almost nuked herself and her team mates. It had been a shock to learn that Rebel Command was promoting her up to Captain dispite the inccident, and she had refused the rank for the time being saying she felt she needed to make ammends.

Exhaling, she opened her eyes and stared beyond her reflection and out among the stars and the darkness between them. Sometimes she wondered if the darkness wasn't so bad at times…after all, it made the lighter side of things seem all the more clearer. It was then that it struck her…a memmory of not too long ago.

Uneeq had been pretty mad at Vandin for 'comprimising' the team in what everyone had felt had been a dangerous situation. They had come up against someone, who had terrified Jynx, and Vandin had thrown a grenade into the middle of things. She had been pretty pissed at the time herself, even punching Vandin in the face for it. Later on she had thought it was odd to hear Uneeq give Vandin the exact same talk that she herself had heard too many times to count. But it had clarified and muddled things for Jynx.

Yes, she knew that there were times it was acceptable to do what she did and times it wasn't so acceptable. But now she knew what it truely felt like to be on the other side of that argument, having experienced it first hand. And she felt guilty about it. But at the same time it had given her a resolve to be more careful.

Rising from her bed, she kicked some scrap out of her way as she paced the floor, trying to relieve herself of the anxiety. She took in the trunk at the end of her bed which was packed full of things she felt she might need to bring with her wherever it was they were going to be sent off to.

"I tried to play it safe" she said to herself. "Didn't take anything at all with me on Bespin…just to be sure…and a lot of good that did." she muttered. And it was true, Vandin would likely have never done what he had if he knew she wasn't armed. He had been waiting for her to retaliate, and had been shocked to discover that she really had nothing…not even a blast vest for protection. Jynx paused, staring at nothing in particular. That had been quite out of her persona to do.

Troubled, she slumped against the wall and laid her forehead against her knees. She wasn't sure what to do anymore. She was afraid of hurting her party, but she didn't want to be a liability to them either. She laughed bitterly and outloud proclaimed "so that's really why they called me Jynx…you never know if I'll be an asset or a liability."

A knock sounded on her door, jarring her out of her reverie. Standing, she smoothed out her uniform and answered. One of the hangar workers stood just outside her door, falling into attention as she appeared. "At ease" she said, not comfortable with the protocol at all. Standing at ease, he related that ChiChi Zzingnut had just arrived. Thanking the private for informing her, she turned back into her room, deciding she needed a momment before venturing out.

Was she ever going to pull herself back together? She thought about what those closest to her might say. ChiChi would tell her he loved her no matter what….Xakon would probably say that the sword cuts both ways. Either way, there was no way of backing out…and her abilities had been called upon after all. She would just have to trust herself to not get carried away.

Again she paused, staring down into the contents of the trunk. Squibie would say there's not enough explosives in there if I'm to really cause a distraction, she thought. Eyeing it for a few more minutes she finally shrugged, realizing that she was the one who would really have to live with what she did or didn't do, and that no….there really weren't enough explosives in there after all.

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