Forgive Yourself

A woman screams in rage breaks the silence of the night in the monastery. The scream turns to horror and a man cries in pain.

Taylor sets a drink down on a table of the monk handed her. She would have time for it later. She finds her way out of vestibule int he carved cave the monk would call a room. A parade of monks walk by carrying a man on a stretcher. The man groans, his robe soaked in blood and empty where a leg should be. Next to him a the leg rests gently without compliant, but turning a pale color.

Taylor eyes over the monk. She has control not to fear such injuries any more. Years have have made it easier to keep a calm head. "Can I help, I have training in this," She looks to a monk. He looks back, a controlled anger; "Your friend," a slight acid on his breath, " needs to learn control."

A monk with airs of authority comes, he places a comforting hand of the forehead of the monk and a squeeze to his hand. "All will be well my brother, and this to will pass. " The injured man relaxes, the authority is here, the man he trusts to make it all right again.

"I have skills to help if I can." Taylor adds.

"I will take it from here, but you can assist."

Taylor follows along. The man is placed in a lighter room with plants all around. The sense of it is calming. Bountiful plants with many leaves on every shelf with a backdrop of light give the room a healthy green shine. The air if fresher in here than any where else in the cave - or her ship for that matter. It feels good to breathe in air so pure.

Taylor looks at the wound. It should be easy enough. Clean, cauterized. A light saber. Taylor twitches her should she knows what it feels like. Taylor rolls the fingers of her left hand. As practiced doctor or assistant, Taylor looks to administer pain control medication to the patient. But none is around. The monk seeing her unease,smiles, we use this he hold leaves in front of her. Taylor nods politely. The monks crushing leaves and spreading them onto the over lip of the man. He appears to control the pain and enjoy the meal. Taylor uncovers the leg and begin, it will be a long night.

Blood soaked onto her middle Taylor enters the halls way. She leans back on the wall a moment to allow the tense pressure of reattaching a limb to drain into the rock. Taylor thinks to herself, Chimera, she will need me now, need to know this news. Taylor works her way back, she doesn't ask where Chimera is, she would only increase the angry in the hosts. She pokes her head back and forth tracing the spills drops on worn path in the rock. They lead to the scene of the crime. Chimera's there not far from the drying puddle of blood and guilt. Chimera's eyes looking up into Taylor's. The pain and guilt are easy to read from her eyes. Taylor closes the gap between them. Taylor knew Chimera didn't need a lecture. Chimera had been giving herself one for the last 3 hours, "I am sure she has covered anything I could say a couple of times now, " Taylor thought to herself.

Chimera's face begin to relax. Hope of forgiveness seems to wash over her. Taylor tries to keep her face even. "What happened?"

Chimera prepared to answer for herself launches into explanation. "He invited me to dance." Her voice defensive. Chimera takes a deep breath, she intends to say all of her peace in one breath. "He pulled out a light saber and said nothing else. I pulled mine, then he stood there and didn't move. I waited, and nothing, then I figured I was supposed to strike first, but he stood there, nothing didn't defend." Chimera eyes drop down to remember every detail, but she continues her lungs half empty of the air. "I began to strike, I went slow so he could defend, but nothing, he stood there and let me hit him." Chimera slows down, the guilt of her action causing pain to say the next words. "Then the saber went through his leg and there was blood every where, I dropped to help him, but then they came and judged me."

Chimera hurdles in pain on the floor. Taylor reaches down, "Forgiveness is going to start with you Chimera. First you must accept your action and forgive it, before you can seek the forgiveness of others." Chimera nods, her self inflicted pain starts to melt away. "They took my light saber." Chimera mourns softly. "I will get it. They tell me tomorrow's test is a test of the heart. You need to get some rest. "
"I can't. " Chimera replies. She hopes to torment herself some more.

"Chimera, I know this hurts - it is supposed to. But remember you are not a monk. You walked into this circle from a different place. You put yourself on the line and live the edge of the sword. That does something to you. The monks live in constant peace - hidden. Of course you don't see eye to eye right now. You walked into this circle ready to defend your life."

"They said I have no control. " Chimera offers in self torment.

"You are not one of them. You must make fast choices to defend your life every day. You give it your all to protect your life and those around you. You aren't going to have the same view point of a monk. Your fault in this was you came here," Taylor motions the circle, "to prove yourself." "But you were invited here to understand, seek first to understand and then to be understood. That is where the control comes from. Don't be in too much a rush to make sure every one else know what you can do, capable of, forgive yourself, trust yourself. They will test us,, and you will pass - I believe in you."

Chimera smiles. "Thank you. Thank you that means alot."

Taylor smiles at Chimera. She can'[t possibly say anything better. Hoping not to screw up the progress in Chimera she guides her to a room. Taylor beds down. They will be tested in a few hours.

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